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So last night I’m lying in bed the usual two hours. I’m doing the usual one leg up, out to the side and bent while laying on my stomach when I notice some ever present creepage down under. Now, these are my favorite VS black lacey cheeky undies which make my butt look fabulous but at this point, I’m ready to rip them off and throw on my full-coverage period boy briefs to get a little relief. I’m pissed. So now I ask, WHO THE HELL IS DESIGNING THESE UNDERWEAR? Has anyone at Victoria’s Secret ever seen a vagina? Since I assume they have, why sweet lord Jesus would you put a seam straight down the middle of the underwear? So after the first five minutes of comfort after you put them on, you start to feel something riding up in places things not ought to ride up. By the end of the day everything is falling out and what you were once led to believe were the most alluring hanky pankies are not seeming so sexy now. So now you have a choice: you can wear the Gonna Get Somes and endure the discomfort and inevitable slip or you can give up and throw on the granny panties with their special “Keep Away Fellas” sign.
So last night I’m lying in bed the usual two hours. I’m doing the usual one leg up, out to the side and bent while laying on my stomach when I notice some ever present creepage down under. Now, these are my favorite VS black lacey cheeky undies which make my butt look fabulous but at this point, I’m ready to rip them off and throw on my full-coverage period boy briefs to get a little relief. I’m pissed. So now I ask, WHO THE HELL IS DESIGNING THESE UNDERWEAR? Has anyone at Victoria’s Secret ever seen a vagina? Since I assume they have, why sweet lord Jesus would you put a seam straight down the middle of the underwear? So after the first five minutes of comfort after you put them on, you start to feel something riding up in places things not ought to ride up. By the end of the day everything is falling out and what you were once led to believe were the most alluring hanky pankies are not seeming so sexy now. So now you have a choice: you can wear the Gonna Get Somes and endure the discomfort and inevitable slip or you can give up and throw on the granny panties with their special “Keep Away Fellas” sign.
Speaking of vaginas, I think it’s awfully fascinating how we can be so disgusted by ants and spiders when vaginas and penis’ are far more grotesque to look at. I mean if we look at it rationally a penis is much more scarring to look at than an ant—and ants don’t even DO anything, while penis’ practically have an entire mind of their own, or at least control the guys brain. Now THAT is terrifying.
When I was younger, before I knew what vaginas were supposed to look like I always thought that I would go to the doctors and they would be like “What is going on here?” and find out that I have some medical mystery down there instead of a normal between-the-legs situation. Eventually I realized that they are just supposed to be that ugly. And what a shame that is, out of all the beautiful parts of the body, the parts that are supposed to be the sexiest look like something out of the next Aliens installment.
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