The Shire: Some bitchin slang for Portsmouth, NH that the
locals made up. I’m not entirely sure who started the term and for what
purposes but I like to believe that it relates to the LOTR Shire in Middle
Earth/New Zealand where I plan to one day live and raise little
adventure-seeking hobbits.
DTP: Downtown Portsmouth AKA the damn cutest town east of
the Mississippi and west of the Atlantic.
DTF: Most of you under the age of 25 know this term but for
those of us stretching towards more of the geriatric side of the spectrum,
allow me to break it down for you: Down To Fuck. Sorry Dad.
Obvs: Obviously, obvs.
Lobbies: Lobsters
And some Peeps *:
Steens/CPetes: my sista, partner in crime, and my lesser
dressed half. Think of me but with longer hair (both head and leg), more weed,
and more concern for the environment.
Jameson: One of my besties since 7th grade—watch
out fellas she’s busty, blonde and occasionally bitchy, but they usually
deserve it.
N: My bestie. Nuff said.
My Slutty Friend Jill: I’ll just take this moment to say
that MSFJ is now in a committed relationship with a fella, but for all intents
and purposes she will remain MSFJ. Now I’d like to clarify that Jill is not a
slut, she is just open to sexual experiences that come her way. And they come
her way quite often, so much so to the point where I wonder if she has some
sort of sent or sound that she emits that channels to hot men and dogs that
she’s DTF. It’s something for further study.
Pudding: One of my besties and yes I call her Pudding and
she calls me Jello and we are very well balanced young ladies.
Cris: One of my ten billion besties. She’s a hundo percent
Puerto Rican and has the finest backside a man will ever hope to touch, and
that isn’t even her best feature.
Nickie: Friendy from freshmen year of college—the first one I
made in the dorms to be exact. She’s tiny, she’s adorable, she’s blonde—er—ginger—and
she’s addicted to soda. Any cuter and some kid would be stuffing her with fluff
at Build-a-Bear.
L: Mi madre and the woman to whom I owe my runners legs
(even without the running), big bazoomas and unhealthy ability to talk to cats.
KennyP: THE certified coolest dad to ever grace the town of
Newington—he wears cowboy boots, listens to Eminem, still calls Marijuanna “dope,”
and always makes sure to shout out “Have fun, be safe!” before you leave the
house.
Ethel: Technically not a peep but more of a vehicle but she deserves a name too. Also called the VDub, she doubles as my closet and traveling art studio.
*Names may or may not have been altered to protect my poor
friends and family
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