"You should throw that guy a bone"

Okay, why is it that no one knows about the movie Bachelorette? If I didn’t steal Netflix from you stepmother I wouldn’t have ever stumbled upon this comedic gem. 

Side note: Is there anyone in the world that doesn’t love Netflix—I say “love” in the sense that nothing satisfies you like having 12000 movies at your disposal, yet nothing else makes you as frustrated as those same 12000 movies being mostly just the lowest budget, horribly acted films that never even made TV. Seriously if there is anything that Neflix is superb at it is lowering your cinema standards. Since movie-going now runs at the rate of an unskilled hooker, rental is literally not an option (like why would they do that to me?) and no one wants to pick up a DVD from something that looks like a candy bar dispenser, our lives are policed by the whims of the Netflix peeps, whomever they are.

                 

Seriously though, I cannot be the only one finishing a three-and-a-half star movie and being like, “That was the most thought provoking piece of cinema I’ve ever witnessed, who cares that the acting was atrocious and the set was three rooms.” Then once and a fabulous while you’ll accidently run into a real-life good movie instead of a Netflix Standards Good Movie (NSGM) and feel like you’ve just watch someone solve world hunger, syphilis and time travel all in two hours.

This movie was that level of masterpiece. I watched it a few months ago and laughed like the challenged hyena from The Lion King the whole time. Then my sister and I watched it the other day and did the same. Twice. Back to back. Yeah, that good. This thing is like sex without the STD’s and the potential pregnancy (AKA everything you want with nothing you don’t). There is no reason for someone not to be entranced by this movie; it has everything and everyone—like Valentine’s Day without being so obnoxious. 

You like Mean Girls? It has Lizzy Caplan.

You like Bring It On? It has Kirsten Dunst.

You like Pitch Perfect? It has Rebel Wilson.

You like Wedding Crashers? It has Isla Fisher.

You Like Parks and Rec? It has Adam Scott.

You like Girls (like anyone doesn’t)? It has Andrew Rannells.

You like great hair and a panty-dropping smile? It has James Marsden.

You like partying? It has drugs, alcohol, random hookups and projectile vomiting—like your college homecoming without the tedious trip to the ER.

You like hilarious, skinny bitches that make you laugh and simultaneously want to commit suicide? Check.

You want to pretend you’re that funny and that skinny and fit perfectly into one of their characters while eating Cherry Garcia B&J’s? Check and mate.

In summation, this movie is just perfection, so put on your sluttiest dress, deadliest heels and seven pounds of makeup; sit down and pretend for the next 87 minutes that this will someday be your life that that will someday be the way your arms look.

Need some more incentive? Here are some fab quotes from the movie:

“I'm gonna walk in wearing my pajamas like I'm fucking Michael Jackson.”

“Well, it's good to see you're still fighting the good fight against the tyranny of pants.”

“Do you believe in a magic vagina?”

“God blessed me with perfect tits, it’s only right that people should know that?”

“What do you call a bachelorette party without a bride?” “Friday?”

“No, cause we gave up strip clubs for lent.”

“If you take Park Avenue I will fucking end you, I will END YOU.”