"My contraception is a six pack of Corona and hope."
-Jessimae Peluso
Monday, July 15, 2013
Realizations of a twenty-something
Alright, so you're in your twenties. This means: you're young, you're hot, you're broke, you're just entering the workforce, you're terrified and you're life is basically a crap shoot of trying to keep it together.
Here's some things you're beginning to realize:
You can totally hand wash your silk shirt in your Tupperware.
You hate everyone who has their shit together, especially if they're younger than you.
Every load of laundry, no matter how long it's been since your last wash, can fit into one load (when you visit home you're parents are like, "Steph, I know it says 'Large' on the settings but that was way more than large." And you're all like, whatevs you guys aren't used to having to fork over $5 every wash and dry).
Netflix is the best invention. Ever. You've also gotten really good at finding current shows online--in fact you've got the daily schedules down to a science.
Reading the magazine covers while in the line at Stop n' Shop is totally the same thing as buying them.
Coffee is the most critical resource in your arsenal.
You're college clothes are way too slutty for your new job/internship (a fantastic excuse to go shopping).
Makeup out of the 98 cent bin is just as good as the 23 dollar stuff from Sephora--like seriously have you seen the prices in there?
Your roommates don't care that you're home and can hear their sex noises through the 3 mm thick wall.
You only need $60 a week for groceries, but at least $75 a week for clothes and cafe bagels and your favorite iced vanilla latte.
Here's some things you're beginning to realize:
You can totally hand wash your silk shirt in your Tupperware.
You hate everyone who has their shit together, especially if they're younger than you.
Every load of laundry, no matter how long it's been since your last wash, can fit into one load (when you visit home you're parents are like, "Steph, I know it says 'Large' on the settings but that was way more than large." And you're all like, whatevs you guys aren't used to having to fork over $5 every wash and dry).
Netflix is the best invention. Ever. You've also gotten really good at finding current shows online--in fact you've got the daily schedules down to a science.
Reading the magazine covers while in the line at Stop n' Shop is totally the same thing as buying them.
Coffee is the most critical resource in your arsenal.
You're college clothes are way too slutty for your new job/internship (a fantastic excuse to go shopping).
Makeup out of the 98 cent bin is just as good as the 23 dollar stuff from Sephora--like seriously have you seen the prices in there?
Your roommates don't care that you're home and can hear their sex noises through the 3 mm thick wall.
You only need $60 a week for groceries, but at least $75 a week for clothes and cafe bagels and your favorite iced vanilla latte.
Sunday, July 14, 2013
Shit my dad says
Though my father is quite fabulously comedic, he does also have his moments. He's also been recycling the same jokes over the past 30 years along with his shirts.
Here's just a glimpse into my daily dealings:
Christina: "Dad I got money!"
Dad: "How?"
Me: "She was working the corner all night."
Dad: "I don't care, as long as she's making money!"
When my sister or I left the house in high school (actually he still says it to both of us): "Have fun, be safe."(true life, that one's important and one of the reasons he's the bestest padre in ze world)
Me: "Sorry dad but women can't be in the kitchen AND in the laundry room at the same time."
Dad: "Steph, there's plenty to do between loads."
In Spain when trying to ask for the check: "La questa por favor." (KennyP thought Catalan meant he could just try to speak french to them and get by)
Upon cruising through the Scottish countryside via train: "Scotland, where the men are men and the women are sheep."
Upon leaving anywhere: "And we're off like a bride's nighty!"
Me about something frustrating/stupid/ridiculous: "Jesus Christ."
Dad: "Ken is fine."
Here's just a glimpse into my daily dealings:
Christina: "Dad I got money!"
Dad: "How?"
Me: "She was working the corner all night."
Dad: "I don't care, as long as she's making money!"
When my sister or I left the house in high school (actually he still says it to both of us): "Have fun, be safe."(true life, that one's important and one of the reasons he's the bestest padre in ze world)
Me: "Sorry dad but women can't be in the kitchen AND in the laundry room at the same time."
Dad: "Steph, there's plenty to do between loads."
In Spain when trying to ask for the check: "La questa por favor." (KennyP thought Catalan meant he could just try to speak french to them and get by)
Upon cruising through the Scottish countryside via train: "Scotland, where the men are men and the women are sheep."
Upon leaving anywhere: "And we're off like a bride's nighty!"
Me about something frustrating/stupid/ridiculous: "Jesus Christ."
Dad: "Ken is fine."
Quote of the day
Darling, darling, doesn't have a problem
Lying to herself cause her liquor's top shelf.
-Lana Del Rey
-Lana Del Rey
Thursday, July 11, 2013
BuzzFeed posts all 20-somethings should read
So not only is BuzzFeed the only form of news that I pay attention to, it also happens to be one of my few connections to the outside world.
Currently I am sitting in the BWorks bagel cafe with it up in 4 tabs on my browser, so that should tell you something.
So to save you the hassle of scouring through the 46 thousand posts, here are three that are relevant and comedic to all us twenty-somethings who have nothing better to do with out time because we are at dead end jobs and our lives are going nowhere:
18 Things That Millennials Are Made Fun Of That Were Like Totally True For Generation X
Stuff You Hoped You'd Have In Your Twenties vs. What You Actually Have
21 Classic Quotes Reimagined for the Millennial Generation
10 People Who Aren't Afraid To Be Who They Are
10 Lessons From The Premier Of "Girls"
18 Things We Learned From Season 2 Of "Girls"
The last two are on there because as twenty-something girls we know that this show portrays our lives down to the most miniscule detail--except that Hannah still has more sex than us and their apartments are still way nicer than ours. Lucky bitches.
Currently I am sitting in the BWorks bagel cafe with it up in 4 tabs on my browser, so that should tell you something.
So to save you the hassle of scouring through the 46 thousand posts, here are three that are relevant and comedic to all us twenty-somethings who have nothing better to do with out time because we are at dead end jobs and our lives are going nowhere:
18 Things That Millennials Are Made Fun Of That Were Like Totally True For Generation X
Stuff You Hoped You'd Have In Your Twenties vs. What You Actually Have
21 Classic Quotes Reimagined for the Millennial Generation
10 People Who Aren't Afraid To Be Who They Are
10 Lessons From The Premier Of "Girls"
18 Things We Learned From Season 2 Of "Girls"
The last two are on there because as twenty-something girls we know that this show portrays our lives down to the most miniscule detail--except that Hannah still has more sex than us and their apartments are still way nicer than ours. Lucky bitches.
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Show me the good stuff
There is no better feeling than when you are watching a show and a character is wearing something you own. And even though it's 12:50 am and you're the only one in your bed you still let out a screech and a "AHH that's my shirt!" Then you find a reason the next day when you're out with one of your friends to bring it up and even though you're expecting them to be like, "Sweet Lord Jesus that is the coolest thing ever, you are so awesome and stylish and perfect," instead they are always like, "Um, okay?"
Disappointing.
But you tell yourself to ignore them and continue thinking that you're at least a whole level above the population style-wise. Like come on, these are professionals picking out their outfits--you just stumbled upon your look because you have excellent taste. I prefer to think of it as a validation that you did something right in your life, like, "Look! I'm fabulous! I'm a stylist! I think I wore it a little better but maybe that's just me..."
Want some examples? Of course you do.
Now, I also work in retail at the infamous Lucky Brand Jeans and as soon as I saw these pants in the Spring collection I knew I was going to rock them to their full extent. Here's a fatefully unattractive picture of me in them at work next to this little girl that will someday be famous--she sang in the store for us and the customers, and I got her on video:
And here's what they look like on the Lucky site:
Then the most exciting thing happened when I was on Spring Break this year--I saw them in (I believe) the April issue of Cosmo, as a recommendation of how to wear patterned pants.
Needless to say I'm borderline a fashion icon.
Now, there are a few other items that I have acquired that blur the line a little bit as to who had it first. I recently purchased this Free Peeps slip:
I have yet to wear it because a) it's see through so I'm trying to figure out the proper under-dressings before I slut it up and b) I want to wear it with a long, oversize sweater which I am currently unable to do since it's a constant 82 degrees every day right now. Before I bought it, but while I was looking at it (I would definitely say we were in the heavy flirtation stage of our relationship) I realized that Alison Argent on Teen Wolf wore the same one a few weeks prior (BTDubs I got it on Ebay for a legitimate steal so you should probably hop on that):
I wouldn't have worn it with such a tight shirt, but
maybe that's me. She still rocks it and we still love her--except her
new haircut, we all hate that. Side note: is anyone else confused as to
why grandpa Argent has like a Scottish accent when their family is
French?
On the other hand, I have done a bit of style stealing from this show. Like this outfit:
Did I completely hunt down this outfit then buy a burgundy leather skirt and blue button down so I could be as cool and stylish as Lydia?
Um, yeah I did.
Sad?
Yes.
Totally worth it?
Obviously, have you seen this girl? She is literally everything I want to be and if I can creepily model myself after her like a future mentally unbalanced stalker, I'm going to. No need to hate because you didn't think of it first (if you're wondering, though, I got the skirt and shirt both off of Ebay, AKA my mothership).
Disappointing.
But you tell yourself to ignore them and continue thinking that you're at least a whole level above the population style-wise. Like come on, these are professionals picking out their outfits--you just stumbled upon your look because you have excellent taste. I prefer to think of it as a validation that you did something right in your life, like, "Look! I'm fabulous! I'm a stylist! I think I wore it a little better but maybe that's just me..."
Want some examples? Of course you do.
The sweater I'm wearing in this picture
was seen on 90210 on the character Dixon Wilson:
Tah dah! Okay, yes it's a
men's sweater but honestly I have never seen a real life man in it with the
exception of a gay man I met at a party my freshmen year of college. It is
ridiculously comfortable, matches with everything, and fits nicely into my all
black, grey, and blue wardrobe. I got it years ago at Urban Outfitters, obvs in
the men's section. Dixon Wilson can flaunt that sweater with pride knowing that I am his style twin.
Next, this skirt seen on Tamara in
Awkward. (if you're not watching it you probably should be) is one currently in
my closet:
And here I am wearing it while
bopping around NYC:
Image
courtesy of Jameson
|
I bought it in cream, clearly. It's
a Kimchi Blue lace skirt that I bought at the Newbs Street Urbs. Holla.
Next, this gem of a shirt I'm wearing in front of the Mediterranean (no big deal):
Can also be seen on this week's episode of Awkward.
 |
| http://www.mtv.com/photos/awkward-season-3-ep-10-redefining-jenna/1708865/8186247/photo.jhtml#8186247 |
Now, I also work in retail at the infamous Lucky Brand Jeans and as soon as I saw these pants in the Spring collection I knew I was going to rock them to their full extent. Here's a fatefully unattractive picture of me in them at work next to this little girl that will someday be famous--she sang in the store for us and the customers, and I got her on video:
And here's what they look like on the Lucky site:
 |
| http://www.fljean.com/lucky-brand-womens-jeans-charlie-capri-geometric-print-low-rise-slim/ |
Then the most exciting thing happened when I was on Spring Break this year--I saw them in (I believe) the April issue of Cosmo, as a recommendation of how to wear patterned pants.
Needless to say I'm borderline a fashion icon.
Now, there are a few other items that I have acquired that blur the line a little bit as to who had it first. I recently purchased this Free Peeps slip:
 |
| http://www.ebay.com/itm/NEW-Free-People-Sheer-Mesh-Trim-Poppyfield-Tunic-Top-Slip-Dress-Shirt-0-2-XS-/161026366541 |
I have yet to wear it because a) it's see through so I'm trying to figure out the proper under-dressings before I slut it up and b) I want to wear it with a long, oversize sweater which I am currently unable to do since it's a constant 82 degrees every day right now. Before I bought it, but while I was looking at it (I would definitely say we were in the heavy flirtation stage of our relationship) I realized that Alison Argent on Teen Wolf wore the same one a few weeks prior (BTDubs I got it on Ebay for a legitimate steal so you should probably hop on that):
 |
| http://teenwolfoutfits.tumblr.com/tagged/allison-argent |
On the other hand, I have done a bit of style stealing from this show. Like this outfit:
 |
| http://style.mtv.com/2013/06/24/teen-wolf-season-3-episode-4/ |
Did I completely hunt down this outfit then buy a burgundy leather skirt and blue button down so I could be as cool and stylish as Lydia?
Um, yeah I did.
Sad?
Yes.
Totally worth it?
Obviously, have you seen this girl? She is literally everything I want to be and if I can creepily model myself after her like a future mentally unbalanced stalker, I'm going to. No need to hate because you didn't think of it first (if you're wondering, though, I got the skirt and shirt both off of Ebay, AKA my mothership).
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Quote of the day
"Once in a while you will stumble upon the truth but most of us manage to
pick ourselves up and hurry along as if nothing had happened." -Winston Churchill
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