Show me the good stuff

There is no better feeling than when you are watching a show and a character is wearing something you own. And even though it's 12:50 am and you're the only one in your bed you still let out a screech and a "AHH that's my shirt!" Then you find a reason the next day when you're out with one of your friends to bring it up and even though you're expecting them to be like, "Sweet Lord Jesus that is the coolest thing ever, you are so awesome and stylish and perfect," instead they are always like, "Um, okay?"

Disappointing.

But you tell yourself to ignore them and continue thinking that you're at least a whole level above the population style-wise. Like come on, these are professionals picking out their outfits--you just stumbled upon your look because you have excellent taste. I prefer to think of it as a validation that you did something right in your life, like, "Look! I'm fabulous! I'm a stylist! I think I wore it a little better but maybe that's just me..."

Want some examples? Of course you do.

The sweater I'm wearing in this picture was seen on 90210 on the character Dixon Wilson:

http://www.fanforum.com/f296/tristan-dixon-48-nicky-alex-would-never-talk-their-mother-way-dixon-62924332/

 Tah dah! Okay, yes it's a men's sweater but honestly I have never seen a real life man in it with the exception of a gay man I met at a party my freshmen year of college. It is ridiculously comfortable, matches with everything, and fits nicely into my all black, grey, and blue wardrobe. I got it years ago at Urban Outfitters, obvs in the men's section. Dixon Wilson can flaunt that sweater with pride knowing that I am his style twin.

Next, this skirt seen on Tamara in Awkward. (if you're not watching it you probably should be) is one currently in my closet:

 

http://www.shopyourtv.com/search/label/Awkward

And here I am wearing it while bopping around NYC:

 

Image courtesy of Jameson

I bought it in cream, clearly. It's a Kimchi Blue lace skirt that I bought at the Newbs Street Urbs. Holla.

Next, this gem of a shirt I'm wearing in front of the Mediterranean (no big deal):

Can also be seen on this week's episode of Awkward.

http://www.mtv.com/photos/awkward-season-3-ep-10-redefining-jenna/1708865/8186247/photo.jhtml#8186247

Now, I also work in retail at the infamous Lucky Brand Jeans and as soon as I saw these pants in the Spring collection I knew I was going to rock them to their full extent. Here's a fatefully unattractive picture of me in them at work next to this little girl that will someday be famous--she sang in the store for us and the customers, and I got her on video:






And here's what they look like on the Lucky site:

http://www.fljean.com/lucky-brand-womens-jeans-charlie-capri-geometric-print-low-rise-slim/

Then  the most exciting thing happened when I was on Spring Break this year--I saw them in (I believe) the April issue of Cosmo, as a recommendation of how to wear patterned pants.

Needless to say I'm borderline a fashion icon.


Now, there are a few other items that I have acquired that blur the line a little bit as to who had it first. I recently purchased this Free Peeps slip:

http://www.ebay.com/itm/NEW-Free-People-Sheer-Mesh-Trim-Poppyfield-Tunic-Top-Slip-Dress-Shirt-0-2-XS-/161026366541

I have yet to wear it because a) it's see through so I'm trying to figure out the proper under-dressings before I slut it up and b) I want to wear it with a long, oversize sweater which I am currently unable to do since it's a constant 82 degrees every day right now. Before I bought it, but while I was looking at it (I would definitely say we were in the heavy flirtation stage of our relationship) I realized that Alison Argent on Teen Wolf wore the same one a few weeks prior (BTDubs I got it on Ebay for a legitimate steal so you should probably hop on that):

http://teenwolfoutfits.tumblr.com/tagged/allison-argent

 I wouldn't have worn it with such a tight shirt, but maybe that's me. She still rocks it and we still love her--except her new haircut, we all hate that. Side note: is anyone else confused as to why grandpa Argent has like a Scottish accent when their family is French?


On the other hand, I have done a bit of style stealing from this show. Like this outfit:

http://style.mtv.com/2013/06/24/teen-wolf-season-3-episode-4/

Did I completely hunt down this outfit then buy a burgundy leather skirt and blue button down so I could be as cool and stylish as Lydia?

Um, yeah I did.

Sad?

Yes.

Totally worth it?

Obviously, have you seen this girl? She is literally everything I want to be and if I can creepily model myself after her like a future mentally unbalanced stalker, I'm going to. No need to hate because you didn't think of it first (if you're wondering, though, I got the skirt and shirt both off of Ebay, AKA my mothership).

Quote of the day

"Once in a while you will stumble upon the truth but most of us manage to pick ourselves up and hurry along as if nothing had happened." -Winston Churchill

Large and in charge

You don't have big boobs? You lucky wench.

"What!?" you say? "But they are so great!"

Uhhm, NO.

"But guys love them!"

I don't give a what! They don't have to deal with them every day. Being especially gifted in the bra department (I'm talking high C and above) is a plague upon our houses, and here's why:


1. You want to wear this? Forget it.

http://wondersoftheinternet.tumblr.com/post/31394202307

Instead you'll look like this:

http://www.stylehive.com/bookmark/sexy-dresses-backless-silver-dress-with-plunging-neckline-for-dancing-free-shipping-849661

 All you need is a pole.


2. Running? Nope. Not unless you want to feel like your carrying two gallon jugs of water on your chest. There isn't one sports bra that can hold all that in. But you try anyway, because who doesn't want to be in shape and scope out the selection at the gym? Then you forget all social standards and end up holding a boob in each hand while on the treadmill because that's the ONLY WAY they will stop.

 And if you're small, finding your bra size anywhere for under $75 is a miracle in itself (I'd suggest online or a TJ Maxx). You're in the bra section next to all the twiglets looking for their 32 A's and B's and you're all like, "Where the mother effer are the 32 D's?" Yeah, you're swearing because you need a new nude bra for work and taking money out of your retirement plan for a specialized bra just isn't going to happen.

You end up settling for some "close" seconds. You convince yourself in the dressing room that the 34 C totally holds everything in even though you're like one yoga move away from busting a nipple out the top. You leave feeling accomplished that you've cheated the system and believing maybe you're not they're not as big as you think (you don't let the VS people measure you anymore out of fear of the answer). Then the second you get home and try it on again you're like, "Sweet Jesus I'm stupid."

And strapless bras? Yeah, no. Don't fool yourself, that thing is going to be a belt twenty minutes into your day.


3. Finding clothes that don't make you look like your in your third trimester or haven't hit the gym since 2008? Absolutely not. You want to be able to rock this look so hard, because it's in style and, HELLO, it's comfortable:

http://media-cache-ec2.pinimg.com/736x/10/57/af/1057af8f0fcea2f02df7444065592770.jpg

But you can't. Instead you need something more like this:

http://www.90210-style.com/characters/adrianna/adrianna22.php

 You need that tight-fitting, suck-it-in stuff, and most likely you're going to have to belt it for added style and accessories. Breathing? Yeah, you're not gonna be doing that. The worst part? Having to face that you're an Adrianna, not a Silver or Annie. BUT JUST LOOK AT HOW COMFY THEY ARE:

http://www.90210-style.com/characters/annie/annie106.php

http://www.90210-style.com/characters/silver/silver94.php

 4. Trying to find a button down for work or play? Good luck. Unless you grab up a few sizes, this happens:

http://mbadventure.com/2012/03/24/big-news/

Or, you're trying to pull one of these off, until seven minutes into your day when you have the construction guys trying to look down your shirt (and easily doing so):
 

http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=xsUiIU_nSR7jHM&tbnid=CdJ5GHXzoOSk3M:&ved=0CAEQjxw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.mybrandfashion.com%2Fproducts.asp%3FCateId%3D999&ei=gSHcUcDiEK6j4AP31oHIBg&bvm=bv.48705608,d.dmg&psig=AFQjCNHPIPIPhm6HjwhG-ogd-1xuCkBNbw&ust=1373467218118665

 5. Any normal outfit looks overly sexual. This:

k3photography.tumblr.com/post/34634143614

Turns into this:

http://www.allfancydress.com/photo/34/Ximena.aspx

 Just give up trying to look stylish and attractive, because your boobs are making sure that never happens without making you look like a Playboy Bunny.

"Oh, look."

Nothing activates one's upchuck reflex like having to witness a bull trying to have sexytime with a cow net to your father, then having him state, "Oh, look, he's mounting her."

There are just some experiences that unfortunately stay with you forever.

There are also certain things your parents should never state or pretend to notice in your presence.

Like when I was 12 and he rambled off a list of mixed drinks, including a Sloe Comfortable Screw Against A Wall. Like why? WHY?

I mean don't get me wrong, I like that my dad and I can joke around and have a close relationship, but these are certain things that should never be discussed by a father-daughter pair at any age range.

Bad form, KennyP, bad form.

Quote of the day

"And you can send me dead flowers every morning
Send me dead flowers by the mail
Send me dead flowers to my wedding
And I won't forget to put roses on your grave"

-The Rolling Stones

Reasons we all wish we were Lydia Martin

It's time to get real and talk about a pretty pivotal topic: Teen Wolf.

http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/lydia+martin

Let's be honest with ourselves: Lydia Martin is the real reason you watch Teen Wolf, besides the testosterone jacked fights between sexy hairy shirtless hybrid men. Yum.

http://c3e308.medialib.glogster.com/media/9b/9b93f33decaf280b3bea2aaac3991cc3028680e3c9d37ac4af54e44689465a9c/tgif-teen-wolf-shirtless-derek-hale-1-png.png

Oh, whoops. How did that slip in there?

Now that I've got you all hot and bothered, here's why:

Lydia is effing smart

http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/archaic%20latin

She is a bitch without having to deal with the backlash of being a bitch, because everyone just understands that she's a bitch and moves on. Wouldn't that be nice?

http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/lydia%20martin

She dated this:

http://rebloggy.com/Teen+Wolf/search/bestmatch/page/1

And got it on with this:

http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/lydia+martin

And is constanty stalked in the most adorable way by this:

http://teenwolf.wikia.com/wiki/File:Teen_Wolf_Season_3_Episode_1_Tattoo_Dylan_O%27Brien_Stiles.png

She has the kind of pretty preppy style we wish we could all pull off without looking a like a fourth grader in our mommy's lipstick and heels
 
http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/lydia+martin 

She can walk in seven inch pumps like it's nbd. In high school. Like totally cas.

http://style.mtv.com/2013/06/17/teen-wolf-season-3-episode-3/

She looks like this:

http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/lydia+martin

Her lips? Uhmmm hello? Has anyone ever seen them? And you KNOW those things are real.

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=477917

She isn't a werewolf or a werewolf hunter or some ancient magical cult member and she is STILL mother effing terrifying

http://www.screened.com/lydia-martin/15-18054/all-images/132-2529543/001/131-622169/

She's funny in her own way

http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/lydia+martin

Not entirely sure

I was reading some article the other week from god knows where about really overrated sexual maneuvers if you will that the author believed were either obsolete or just stupid. So she’s going along talking about how 69ing is complete crap (agreed) for obvious reasons that no one needs that much at one time at that kind of angle. Dammit people just wait your turn. And for the life of me while I’m continuing along this article I can’t decide whether it’s a chick or a dude (as the 90’s and wannabe 90’s hipsters say). At first I think it’s a woman because she’s talking about going down on a man etc. (sorry I assumed) then she is making some comment about her penis and so I’m like oh bomb diggity this changes everything. Because obviously I’m reading this article in my default girl tone, considering the topic, to come to find out that my life has been a complete lie and that this woman isn’t really a woman at all. I feel betrayed.